Hurdles

As a kid growing up in N.H., I learned a great deal about hurdles. The sole purpose of hurdles seemed to be rooted in the notion that they exist in order for you to hone your resourcefulness in order to overcome them; the more difficult the hurdle, the better the chance to develop your mettle. Perhaps this comes directly from the Puritan historical context of the area, or the long, hard winters of fierce storms and resulting isolation which led to many a depression, death,high consumption of alcohol (both store-bought and homemade), and sense of individuality of the true New Hampshire people who have lived there for at least four generations.
As a adult living in NYC, I have expanded my definition of hurdles to getting through every day with my eyes wide open. There is no place for semi-consciousness here. I recently read in the paper that NYC has a low alcohol consumption rate. Is that a surprise when you live constantly on edge, getting through the countless obstacles that confront and surround you at every turn? I have already expounded in my journal entries about some of these obstacles, and have little more to offer here. The positive side of this is, in your conscious state, it is easy to learn more new things. Learning is a way of life here,not a luxury or an afterthought.
As a person who received extensive chemotherapy, I can say that the biggest hurdle in this area, for me anyway, was letting fear creep into my consciousness. It was better for me to be in a semi-conscious state about the possible outcomes, put my head down, and plow ahead full-steam. And that's how I did approach it. I spent plenty of time thinking about my options, but once I decided on the course of treatment,I created this semi-conscious, stubborn state of getting through it in one piece, at least emotionally. Whenever I let my guard down, fear came gnawing around the edges of my consciousness and began to create restless nights, sleepless nights, and a definite feeling quite similar to long winters in NH. Not healthy. I remembered how emotionally long those winters in NH were for me, and when I let myself get into that barren emotionaly state, there was only existance, not life. So semi-consciousness with regards to facing chemo. treatments became a tool, not induced by drugs or drink, but by self determination similar to meditation, perhaps.
I guess it's no surprise that I'm a Taurus, is it?
Hurdles I believe have sculpted my persception on life. My multi-faceted experiences above have lent to my growing feeling of control over uncontrolled situations. I have no control over their comings, length of stay, and goings; but, I do have control of how I am going to emotionally let them affect me--will I let them become opportunities to learn something about myself I didn't know, or will I let them throw me into a cloud of dust?---(and a ha-de-ha--like the Lone Ranger--I will ride again?)