What is a strong woman?
Someone called me a strong woman the other day. I didn't know how to respond or even exactly what that meant? Then I fell upon a couple of definitions that made me think. Here they are:
"A woman is like a tea bag. You never know how strong she is until she's in hot water." Elenor Roosevelt
"If you can't be brave, be determined. and you'll end up in the same place." Mrs. Nyquist, a characterin a book by Lisa Scottoline
Both of these definitions make me smile and nod. Yeah, even a confirmed coffe addict
like me can appreciate the tea bag simile. And the other, "be determined," has been my credo for as long as I can remember. My life has often been challenging, but worth it. It has cost me, though, in trust. I let people in, but not too close. I protect my inner core furiously. But there are those who I have let in and I love them unconditionally. Sometimes that has been hurtful; but for the most part, I am grateful for their love and respect.
I have a saying posted over my cabin door: "The best things in life are not things,' and that is true. There are a few truisms in this world and I think that's one of them. Here at my cabin I am fortunate because I can "curl up" with the love and support from some of those inner sanctum friends. They help me continue being determined as I try to accept what others give me without losing the balance between giving and receiving. Everything is a juggling where boundaries form and reform, stretch and contract, become porous and constrict. It is a proactive process and it is scarey to someone as independent as I am. But what it all does come down to, what gets me up every morning no matter how I feel, is determination which substitutes nicely for bravery. That's me, a Taurus.
And so the chemotherapy continues. Doxil this time. No big problems so far, just niggling ones. I am appreciative of that and try to think positive; but honestly, the squirrels in my head say "The acorn will drop soon enough." I am using every moment to its fullest. It is exhausting sometimes, to be completely focused all the time on everything around oneself and how I am responding inside. I can only explain it as like high definition TV, brighter and sharpter and every dimensional to almost a disturbing point at times. Everything comes at me and it's hard not to blink.
For example, the other day several people dropped by. At one point, there was one woman who was visiting me when a man she dislikes a great deal arrived. Neither one have much love for the other. The dance between them at my kitchen table was wild. I watched their uneasiness and how thaey handled it: their body movements completely excluded the other even though we were all in a small space; they never looked at each other, only at me with occassional side looks to ascertain the position of the other; the conversation through me (two entirely different conversations no less); and their breathing, which would catch at times to betray theat in fact, each one was indeed listening secretly to the other. Quite a sophisticated choreography going one. Finally one decided to leave, so the other did too. Now was the intricate dance as one tried to leave by the same door as the other without acknowledging each other. Exhausting to watch. then, once outside, they got into the vechiles which, conincidentally, were facing each other. Now, who would pull out first. Pregant pause, longer wait, finally one inched backward and the other forward. They did it. Whew!
I wonder if such contortions to avoid someone are really worth it. Think about the energy it takes to ignore someone. It sure is comical to watch, and underscores how silly human beings can be. It must be more difficult to ignore someone than simply acknowledge them, and more energy to keep up a hate rather than to forgive. I may have less energy now, but I sure am learning from others what I want to expend my energy on.
"A woman is like a tea bag. You never know how strong she is until she's in hot water." Elenor Roosevelt
"If you can't be brave, be determined. and you'll end up in the same place." Mrs. Nyquist, a characterin a book by Lisa Scottoline
Both of these definitions make me smile and nod. Yeah, even a confirmed coffe addict
like me can appreciate the tea bag simile. And the other, "be determined," has been my credo for as long as I can remember. My life has often been challenging, but worth it. It has cost me, though, in trust. I let people in, but not too close. I protect my inner core furiously. But there are those who I have let in and I love them unconditionally. Sometimes that has been hurtful; but for the most part, I am grateful for their love and respect.
I have a saying posted over my cabin door: "The best things in life are not things,' and that is true. There are a few truisms in this world and I think that's one of them. Here at my cabin I am fortunate because I can "curl up" with the love and support from some of those inner sanctum friends. They help me continue being determined as I try to accept what others give me without losing the balance between giving and receiving. Everything is a juggling where boundaries form and reform, stretch and contract, become porous and constrict. It is a proactive process and it is scarey to someone as independent as I am. But what it all does come down to, what gets me up every morning no matter how I feel, is determination which substitutes nicely for bravery. That's me, a Taurus.
And so the chemotherapy continues. Doxil this time. No big problems so far, just niggling ones. I am appreciative of that and try to think positive; but honestly, the squirrels in my head say "The acorn will drop soon enough." I am using every moment to its fullest. It is exhausting sometimes, to be completely focused all the time on everything around oneself and how I am responding inside. I can only explain it as like high definition TV, brighter and sharpter and every dimensional to almost a disturbing point at times. Everything comes at me and it's hard not to blink.
For example, the other day several people dropped by. At one point, there was one woman who was visiting me when a man she dislikes a great deal arrived. Neither one have much love for the other. The dance between them at my kitchen table was wild. I watched their uneasiness and how thaey handled it: their body movements completely excluded the other even though we were all in a small space; they never looked at each other, only at me with occassional side looks to ascertain the position of the other; the conversation through me (two entirely different conversations no less); and their breathing, which would catch at times to betray theat in fact, each one was indeed listening secretly to the other. Quite a sophisticated choreography going one. Finally one decided to leave, so the other did too. Now was the intricate dance as one tried to leave by the same door as the other without acknowledging each other. Exhausting to watch. then, once outside, they got into the vechiles which, conincidentally, were facing each other. Now, who would pull out first. Pregant pause, longer wait, finally one inched backward and the other forward. They did it. Whew!
I wonder if such contortions to avoid someone are really worth it. Think about the energy it takes to ignore someone. It sure is comical to watch, and underscores how silly human beings can be. It must be more difficult to ignore someone than simply acknowledge them, and more energy to keep up a hate rather than to forgive. I may have less energy now, but I sure am learning from others what I want to expend my energy on.
posted by AYankee @ 10:34 AM
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