Been too Long

Been too long since I made a posting. Been too long to be healthy. I feel constipated. Don't know if this meager entry will get things flowing or not, but I'll give it a try. Got lots of reasons why. Been too busy, of course. Been too tired, of course. Been too afraid, maybe.

This time I'm taking tests to reveal what is happening in other areas of my body. Naturally when you zero in on a problem, it takes all the energy you have to deal with it. Sure isn't a time to multitask, and with specialists, they don't really mind. One thing at a time--their area, of course, where the offending problem lies. Cut it out, chemo. it up, check it out, ah, fine for now. See you soon. Don't hold your breath. Enjoy for now. Oh by the way, have you attended to other areas? No, might be a good idea.

Yeah, right. And so I work on that, one at a time.All the annuals, biannuals, every five years, and so on. My goodness hasn't modern medicine chopped one organism into more parts that a centipede has legs, and each part with its own experts and rules for their game. As I make my way through the maze, as each one is done, a sense of relief, a sense of distain that so much energy went into worrying about it in the first place. But now, ah now, I am down to the tests I have put off the longest because I worry about them the most. Now I'm getting down to the nitty gritty here. Hmmm...all this attention can't be good for the soul, can it? And what about that adage about self fullfilling prophasies?

Taking Tests

Maybe it's because I'm afraid
that makes the days seem so long,
the nights restless;
a drop of sleep doesn't go too far
in this white space that somehow is
a different shade than I remember.

Maybe I'm afraid of being afraid
and that gives me hot flashes
when the air is cold,
and uncontrollable shivers,
when the air is warm,
even though menopause is long gone.

I dunno,
maybe I'm just afraid
that the things I've put off
will come back to bite me;
procrastination never has been
a very reliable tool for survival.