rejunvenation

It’s not that I have been remiss about writing, it is because I have been struggling to find a sweet spot in which to rest and recuperate. Somewhere along the line I started to lose myself and go into the “put my head down and forge ahead despite adversity.” I am in the mountains now, and my touchstone here has filled me with a sense of peace. It took time to shake off the things that kept me tossing and turning at night, interrupting any sense of replenishment. I have shaken them loose and recognize them for what they are--- feelings of my self being threatened by an outside force---something that might keep me from my precarious balance I have so carefully created—the ledge of time where I can live, not just exist, between two homes, the city and the mountains. This balance is essential for me, not a luxury. Without it, I can not be healthy.

But I am here now. I cannot worry if this will be snatched from me next year. Right now, I am benefiting from the time to be here. The ravens greeted me with their hungry demands—feed me. A neighbor fed them all winter in my yard, so why should I be any different, they seem to think. When I ignore them, the big male Beauty, perches in the birch tree outside my bedroom window and screeches until I can stand it no more. Talk about a control issue! And “Baby Bear,” who is no baby anymore, showed up the second night for a how do you do. He visited for about an hour, and then he left; I haven’t seen him since. I’m glad he is off doing bear things and not attached to the human world. It is tough enough for him without getting lured into a false sense of safety. And the birds---they are everywhere: rose breasted grosbeaks, several species of hummingbirds, jays, sparrows, titmice, juncos, creepers, starlings, red winged blackbirds, chickadees, purple finches, yellow grosbeaks, and various other winged creatures. I scatter feed out to them in the morning and it is cleaned up long before dusk. The red squirrels and chipmunks get their share. They are not afraid, so I have to be careful not to step on them on my way to the outhouse. When it comes to food, they simply will not move until they are good and ready.

Two young cubs were orphaned this month when a cop shot and killed their mother. He thought the mother had been hit by a car and was injured. When he approached her, she made threatening gestures, so he killed her. Then he heard the crying as the two cubs clambered down the tree and tried to revive her. It had been a nursing tree that she was guarding. Really, you’d think by now people would educate themselves and really look at what is going on, not jump to conclusions. Anyway, thank goodness Ben Kilham now has the two cubs at his place in Lime and he will raise them and when they are ready, get them back into the wild. He is so cool and thank goodness he exists. Makes you see that humans can be humane.

So I am here. I wash myself clean with the silence of the forest. It rejuvenates every pore of my being. I breathe deeply and tread carefully for I know only too well how this life is a privilege, one that I cherish.