A Yankee's Musing

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Don't Read Between the Lines--It's Not About You

There's a seal peeking out from the ocean a disembodied head
surrounded by moving water as a desktop background on
my computer at work to remind me how at times I feel like
I'm barely holding my head above the water line and treading
like crazy to make it through each day without making
waves without succumbing to them without causing them
without drowning in my own tears of anger which have risen
and refuse to stay down down where I can contain them
where are my coyotes now have they turned on me deserted me
died from neglect found a new home or is this just another
side effect I ask myself over and over as I toss and turn
and toss and try to sleep but cannot as my brain turns to mush
from the endless turmoil from within a journey I have undertaken
and its inevitable consequences to survive to survive at most costs
at some cost but not at any cost there must always be a limit
I am not materialist and that is my downfall perhaps it
would be easier to rely upon inanimate things for joy for solace
for companionship a reassuring silence because people
are so damn complicated and noisy so very noisy when they are
nervous it's an effort to walk the thin line of patience
of a time to be lived a time not to be wasted
it is difficult enough to deal with my own issues let alone
acknowledge those that you seem to have taken on as yours
and I should understand your turmoil and I do but really
my issues are my own and your issues are your own and
it is dangerous to confuse them some people seem to think
they need to try to control everything when actually no one ever
has any control at all only an illusion and it can sap
you dry if you let it drain you if you a price on it
so the unreal will seem to become real but it isn't
like the "reality" television way of life that is so familiar
in our society as well as the fast food pace of living that
provides so little sustenance and the "I am not responsible"
type of prevailing attitude that strangles life today
no I will not partake of that unreality or that pace or that kind
of relinquishment of my issues of my life because if I do
I will surely drown no I must measure my energy with a keen
sense of who I am in this moment of time I must protect my boundaries
with a vigilent eye so I can do more than simply survive each
moment in a sea around me that goes far beyond from where I can
see with changing tides that ebb and flow and sometimes buffet me
sometimes soothe me other times surprise me other times frighten me
it is always risky to know in your very soul that you cannot control
anything but still live unconditionally and appreciate each moment
not let it pass by unnoticed such a precarious journey this living.